Out of the dorms!

At the beginning of this last school year ('12-'13) I got to move out of the dorms! It was a great opportunity and I loved the girls I was going to be living with. I had just come out of a summer that was drenched in God's love for me, so I was excited to see what the year would hold in store.
It took me all of a week of living in a house without any rules but my own to fall back into a life that wanted to pursue the world. A week! After that summer. After everything God did. I started going out and drinking, which led to me having "sex buddies" throughout the course of the semester too. Seemingly, I had forgotten everything about how that void in my heart felt when boys were the ones filling it rather than God. It's like trying to fill a square hole with a circle peg. It doesn't work. Because of my past, I learned that indifference is the most dangerous thing a person can experience in reference to their walk with God, so I prayed. I prayed that God not let me be indifferent. He didn't. I turned the complete opposite way. I was living my life the way I wanted to live it again. But it was different this time, because I had experienced what it felt like to have the void filled. I couldn't go all the way into the world anymore because I had a real taste of what heaven was like. So it was a constant struggle. When I felt the void "ripping" wider again I prayed and asked God what I needed to do. I wanted to go back to the way this last summer was. The word I got in reply was "surrender". Surrender? Really? Haven't I done that before? No. I hadn't. I always let God have 99.8% of my life... But I would keep that .2% for myself. I needed some sense of control for myself. But surrender was the answer I got. Which turned into me trying to figure things out on my own and work things out. It didn't work. I don't have enough "control" (even though I fought for it!) to surrender on my own. Once again I had to ask God to do the work for me. "Lord, I don't know how to surrender to you. Teach me, do the work in me." Philippians 1:6 very specifically says that God will complete works he starts in us... So why did I try to do it on my own ever?