No Record

"Love keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13)

No record.

That blows my mind. It is so hard for me to think about my relationship with God and how much I have wronged him and know that he has no record of any of it (if you read my testimony post you have a small idea of some of the things I have done to God... I barely scratched the surface in that post). I have spat in his face and told him to go away so many times and he has relentlessly pursued my heart through it all. All the while keeping no record of any of my wrongs.

I remember one time two years ago I was crying because a boy I liked decided he didn't want to pursue anything with me after already having told me he did. I was crying and saying "why does he not want me? What about me isn't good enough?" and I heard God say "Beloved, what about me isn't good enough for you?" I stopped dead in my tracks and my heart broke for God. You know that feeling, the one when you like someone and they don't like you back? That gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, worthless feeling? We make God feel that way! He loves us like a husband loves his bride. Intense, passionate, pursuing love. And we say "eh. I'd rather not. Sorry." And he keeps no record.
No record of every time we've said "you aren't good enough. I want that. I want him. I want her. I want this. I want that. Just not you." While his heart is breaking he says "My love for you is patient, it's kind, and it doesn't keep record of wrongs." He patiently pursues our hearts.