For the Ladies on "The One"

"The One"

Let's be honest ladies, we've all thought about it. Wondered who it will be. What he's going to be like. How the relationship goes. Etc. Etc. Etc.

The reality of it is, there is no such thing as "the one".

If we take a step back and look at every other aspect of our relationship with God we can see how God makes beauty out of mistakes or shortcomings. Food for thought: you, as a woman (just like me), have either entered into a dysfunctional relationship or two (can I get an amen), or have lusted after the idea of a relationship and fantasized about one (can I get another amen).

Considering all of those real or fantasized relationships, you've already (theoretically) ruined the intended plan with "the one" because you were only meant for him.
Are you tracking with me?

Thinking back on all of my relationships and how I thought about each boy differently is testament to the fact that there is no "one" out there. I learned life-lessons from each relationship, lessons that only those situations would have taught me. Yes, I think God could have (and would have) done the work in my heart eventually, but I think those dysfunctional relationships played a big role in the (ever-continuing) refining process God has me in.

I remember last year I was in an ethics class and a very controversial issue came up. My professor brought up masturbation (it was an ethics class, so issues like this were bound to come up!). He sat in front of the class and told us that there was nothing biblically wrong with it. I couldn't argue with him on that point, but something in my spirit wasn't settling right. So I (because meekness isn't my strong suit) piped up and said "Well, it may not say that its wrong in scripture... but you can either spend time with however long it takes you to get yourself off, or you can spend time with God and let him do a work in your heart." (not my most Christ-like moment.... But thinking that way has stuck with me)

Thinking about guys is the same for us as women. Its not wrong to wonder and think about the future, but you don't have to. God says in his word to let tomorrow worry about itself (We don't have to think on the future and wonder). Its not wrong to desire love and a relationship. We were made for relationship with one another. Just remember that you're already in one!

My first love is Jesus, and he always will be that. Because I spend the rest of eternity with him. Just me and him. If God sees fit for me to get married while here, then it is going to be a blip in time compared to the eternity I spend with my first love. God took me on that journey this summer (I talk about it in the "Desert" post), and he showed me that its me and him for the rest of eternity, thats why he comes first. It does no good to dwell on the "what if"s and "maybe so"s when we can sit in the "declares the Lord"s. That is where I desire to be. Dying to self is a constant struggle of mine (and I mean constant), but the glory of the gospel is that I don't have to do it on my own. Jesus helps, because he is our bridegroom for the rest of forever.

The only time "the one" is true is when it's in reference to Jesus.

Recovery

There are multiple recovery ministries.
Churches that will walk you through recovery about things you have dealt with in life.
God just decided to do it differently with me...

Remember in my testimony post when I was talking about meeting the guy at Hardin-Simmons and kind of falling apart when things ended because everything from the past had finally built up long enough to fall down? Well that's where recovery began for me.

I haven't ever been through a complete cycle of a recovery ministry... So I honestly have no idea how the church does it, but heres how God walked me through it:

At the time I was dealing with everything that the enemy had spoken over my life (especially in the area of boys/men) crashing down on me. "You aren't worth the time/effort/care" was the biggest and most consistent lie I was told (and believed!). When me and this guy ended I skipped all of my classes and journaled for six hours.

That is the longest amount of time I have ever sat (to this day) in God's presence waiting on his answer about things. (It's sad thats the longest amount of time, because so much work was done in that short 6 hours). The day started with me journaling. I remember being angry. (and as I sit here re-reading what I was writing that day I realize I was more than angry.) The first line of my journal is "I'm pissed." (yes, I am that blunt in my journals...) I didn't know where anger in my heart was coming from so I asked God to show me... It took me asking a series of questions and God taking his time answering them for me to figure it out. God walked me through recovery. Here is the sequence in which he did things:

"Beloved, who all has hurt you?" (talking about men)
"How did each one of them hurt you?"
"What lies did they speak into your life?"
"Forgive them"
"What do I say about you?"

I remember on the third question there was one boy in specific that actually spoke the words "you aren't worth it" to me. I had never realized that before, and God showed me it was where my anger was coming from. I remember after I wrote down that this boy had said that, God told me "Say you're worth it." I sat at the pond at Hardin-Simmons for a good ten-fifteen minutes trying to say the words "I am worth it." But when you've believed a lie for years it's hard to say the opposite. I remember saying "God, I can't." and he said, "You are worth it. Say you're worth it because Jesus died for you." I was able to say that because it wasn't about me. So I did. Then God took it a step further "Say you are worth it because I made you with a caring heart." I was able to say that because God said it about me. God walked me through a lot of affirmation before he asked me to say I was worth it again. Then he asked me to do it one last time "Say you're worth it." I did. I remember sitting and crying and saying "I'm worth it." over and over and feeling God do a work in my heart, undoing everything that the enemy had so intricately set up to keep me hindered. God redeemed every ounce of my past that day. After that day I am able to stand blameless even though my past is covered in "scarlet" (Is 1:18). I am able to say that my past does not define me and that nothing that has happened in my past affects my love for people now. God did the work because I let him, because I was broken. Its often in our brokenness that his strength is made known.

He is so gentle, and so strong in his gentleness. It's the way I love to be loved.

Nothing can Separate

Nothing can separate from the way God loves.

How many times have you either decided to walk away or were pulled away from God? (Things like choosing to party, or things like having a family member die and getting angry with God?) We all have had situations when we choose to or are forced to walk away from God (due to our sin nature).

But God's love always pulls us back.

His love endures forever (Psalm 136). His love is relentless. It's kind. It's patient. It doesn't envy. It doesn't boast and it isn't proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. God's love will always protect you, always trust you, always hope for you, and always persevere for you. (1 Corinthians 13)

Satan is making attacks on your life. (It's foolish to think that just because you love God he's not.) The more you love God and enter into a personal relationship with him, the more Satan will attack your life. But the good in it is that no matter how hard Satan attacks, he will never be able to separate you from the love of God. He can have momentarily won battles (which he has in my life, there have been battles that he's won time and time again) but that doesn't change the fact that God will always pull you back to his heart. No matter how much Satan attacks you, he will never win. Because the moment you accepted Jesus, you were put on the right-hand side of God. You're seated in heaven with Jesus, and every battle you ever encounter on earth, you have won because of Jesus. Because no matter how much Satan can get us to sin, or make us mad, or anything he tries to do, its already forgiven and we don't have to live in shame. We win. Because Jesus wins. Nothing can separate you from the love of God.

Read this next passage slowly... Reflect on each thing that is said cannot separate you from Gods love:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

For the Ladies

How many lies have you been told about your womanhood?

"You aren't worth it. You aren't beautiful. You don't play a significant role in anything. You aren't fun. You aren't spontaneous. No one wants you. etc"

The enemy makes persistent attacks on woman. Look at your life, look at the world, look at what (in the world) is expected of women. If you aren't stick-thin with air brushed skin and perfect hair, and you don't party and keep up a busy life but at the same time keep the home in order, then you aren't "good" at being a woman. Lets even look at the church and what the church expects of women... You have to be conservative and quiet, always submitting to men (which I agree with, I'll do a post on submission soon), being a part of PTA, a home-group leader, a middle school leader, and have the ultimate servants heart, then you are "bad" at being a woman. Satan makes attacks on what God made womanhood to be, because true womanhood is a threat to him.

Taking a step back and looking at the creation story is important. God created man before woman. Woman was created after man. (If you're a man and you're reading this, then try to keep an open mind) In the creation story God makes man, then he says "It is not good for man to be alone" and searches for a suitable helper for man ("helper" in hebrew is ezer kenegdo) but God can't find an ezer kenegdo for man throughout everything he created. So God created woman. This next part is important:

After woman was created, God stopped. Woman is the last thing that God made in the creation story. You as a woman are the thing that made everything else fall into place. You're what made creation complete. You are ezer kenegdo. Do you know that the only other "helper" in the Bible that is called ezer kenegdo in Hebrew is God himself? (Genesis 2 for woman and Psalm 121 for God) -- (Don't get me wrong here. I am by no means trying to say we're God!!) God created woman with a softness and gentleness that he possesses. God created woman with a gentle strength that he possesses. God created woman with a soft heart but strong spirit.

Look at the women that are part of the stories of the Bible. Look how strong Mary was, look how brave the judge Deborah was, look at how patient Ruth was.

Bathsheba, an adulterous woman who let her husband get killed in battle because she was impregnated by another man, King David (who was the only man in the Bible who was said to be "a man after Gods own heart" ... If that doesn't show that our actions don't dictate our goodness, I don't know what will!) is part of the lineage of Jesus. There was something about Bathsheba that was strong and good enough to be a part of the lineage of Jesus.

Nothing that you have done or will do is going to change the way God thinks about you. Just like nothing that Bathsheba did had an affect on the way God thought about her. He loves.

Here are some truths to what you are as a woman:
You are the crown of creation, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139), you are known personally and intimately (Ps 139), you are loved with an everlasting love (Jer 31:3), you are ezer kenegdo (Gen 2), you are pursued (Hos 2), you are redeemed (Is 43:1), you are complete in Christ, you are going to play a significant role in an important story. You are worth it.

Relentless

Wrap your head around this if you can: you were loved personally, intimately, and passionately by the Creator of the heavens and the earth before the concept of time was created. Before earth was made. Before the heavens were separated. Before Satan and his angels were cast into hell. Before life began. and you will be loved personally, intimately, and passionately after the concept of time doesn't matter. After the heavens and earth aren't separated anymore. After earth is gone. After the final battle is won and Satan is vanquished. For the REST of eternity.

God knew what he would get when he decided to love you.

We can use me as an example. When God decided to love me he knew that he was going to get someone who would consistently walk away from him and say "your love isn't enough", someone who would choose boys, drugs, drinking, and things of the world over him. He knew he was getting someone with a wandering heart. BUT (because he made me... Ps 139) he also knew he was getting someone who is passionate, someone who loves deeply, someone who doesn't quit when she's started something, someone who is called to his purpose, and someone who would return to him and love him back.

I was worth the exchange for him. 

And so are you. 

You're worth the exchange. He decided you were worth it when he decided to love you. He knew what he was getting when he decided to love you. He knew you'd wrong him (because we all do), he knew you'd fall short of his glory (because we all do), but he knew you personally and loved you (Ps 139). He showed you that he thinks your worth it with the cross. Jesus came to show how God loves. Jesus is God taking the risk on you and saying "I love you, will you love me back?" He gives you the choice. He waits patiently and relentlessly for you.

He always will. 

Worlds

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world. 
-C.S. Lewis 

If we try to live in this world then there is always going to be a void in our hearts that never seems to get filled (no matter how much of the world we try to cram into it)... Thats because its a "God-sized" void. Only God can satisfy the deepest desires of our heart. How many times have we tried to cram things into our hearts to feel "worthy, worth it, desired, etc."? For me, it's more than I can count. I've tried to fill a void in my heart with things of the world for almost 20 years. (two decades wasted on the world when I could have been dwelling in a heaven-mindset with God!) I've tried to fill my heart and soul with boys, staying busy, being productive, partying, reading, painting, pretty much anything that the world has to offer I've tried to use. And it never worked. That's because, like C.S. Lewis so eloquently put it, I was made for another world. I was made for heaven, to be with my Beloved for the rest of eternity.

But then the question arises: We are here. We are in the world. So we have to wait until we die to be a part of the world we were meant for?

Wrong.

God desires for heaven to invade earth. He desires to walk along side us everyday. He deeply desires to reveal himself to us (so that we can have the peace that heaven provides). He desires to give us the desires of our hearts. This world doesn't satisfy because we weren't made for it, but the beautiful thing about God is that he made a way for us to live in the world we were meant for while we're still here. Jesus. The Holy Spirit being with us makes heaven accessible. We can stay in "heaven" if you may, as long as we remain in the spirit. (Who likes their flesh nature any way?) The even greater thing about remaining in the spirit is that it takes nothing from us! All we need to do is go to God and ask him to keep us heaven-minded and washed in the spirit. He wants to do the work in us so that we are!

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps 37:4)

It is Finished

"It is finished."

In my opinion, those three words are the most important that have ever been spoken. It is those three words that set me free. Those three words that redeemed every ounce of wickedness in me. Those three words that taught me love, grace, and peace.

Jesus spoke the words "it is finished" in his last moments on the cross.

As a kid, I loved the story of Jesus going onto the cross to die for my sins and save me. But the story  turns cliche over time because its told so often in religious settings, and told with utter lack of passion (most of the time). So throughout my journey with God I never took time to focus on the story of the cross. It got boring for me. (And even today, when telling people about Jesus I focus more on his love and what he's done in my life then the fact that he died on the cross for me) But during and after high school I went through a period of time when I let the devil speak lies over my life. I let myself get washed with things like "You aren't ever going to be enough. You aren't pure. You aren't whole. You have nothing to give anyone. etc." I was struggling with a newfound love for God and not knowing how to balance my relationship with him and my relationship with the world. (Which I will never figure out, because I've only been called to live in one!) I let Satan drag me into the pit of hell, all the while, going to church and spending time in a homegroup. I didn't understand why I felt so down all the time if I was spending so much God-centered time.

"Isn't God supposed to make life easy for me? I give him time and he gives me whatever I want? Isn't that how this is supposed to go? Shouldn't I be one of those "happy" Christians that never complains now?"

The answer to all of those questions is no.

Throughout highschool when I was letting Satan speak lies over and into my life, God called out to me. I started feeling like it was time to read that redundant story of Christ going to the cross for my life, so I did. When I read the phrase "it is finished", I felt God saying "all of it, Hayley. Every ounce of sin. Done."

I believe that the phrase "It is finished" is the most important thing ever spoken into human history because it truly does save. It means that the second Christ died ALL of my sin (past, present, and future) has been accounted for.

What that phrase does is makes clear that your sin does not define you. You are not the decisions you have made. You are not unclean, impure, unholy, unrighteous, or unworthy.

In Christ you are pure (Is 1:18), you are pursued (Hos 2), you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139), you are known personally and intimately (Ps 139), you are called by name and redeemed (Is 43:1), and you are loved more than you know (Jer 31:3, 1 Cor 13)